In a scene from ‘Roy’, Arjun Rampal who has just directed his third film (a sequel called ‘Guns-3’) after a lot of turmoil wonders and ponders for a while and tells his assistant (Shernaz Patel)- “I don’t know… yeh film kaise ban gayi…”; the audience burst out laughing and I find my laugh to be even louder than anyone else. Quite similarly in another scene a little earlier, Jacqueline tells Arjun that if the story isn’t going anywhere, one should just end it. Probably, debutante director Vikramjit Singh who has also penned the script underwent the same writer’s block his character undergoes in ‘Roy’. We may understand that he was perhaps stubborn on completing his first script but what on earth were the producers thinking while backing it and making a movie out of it?
Kabir (Arjun Rampal) is a lonely Casanova film director who has no clue what his third installment to his successful ‘Guns’ is going to be about. He begins writing a script with Roy (Ranbir Kapoor playing a fictional character) as his lead character after hearing news about the master thief. While on it with an incomplete plot, he moves to Malaysia to film it thinking he will direct it as the script shapes up. There he meets Ayesha (Jacqueline Fernandez), a London-based Indie film-maker (the ones that make the meaningful art house cinema with a shoe-string budget… okay… let’s believe it!) and hey… there is a twist! They fall in love. Okay… I was kidding. It isn’t any twist. And there isn’t any twist in the remaining reels as well coming from a movie which was promoted as a romantic thriller. The romance itself is so stale that you would rather prefer watching Kamaal R Khan romancing someone; at least you would laugh and be entertained in a way. I don’t know why I just said that; perhaps, that’s the kind of effect a pointless, boring and terrible movie can have on you. Coming back to the plot (well!), Kabir’s script now has Roy coming to Malaysia to rob an expensive painting from Tia (played by Jacqueline again as she is the inspiration). He is so inspired by his Girlfriend No. 23 that he even casts a look-alike as the heroine. The two stories run parallel and Kabir’s real life turns out to be a lot like Roy’s reel life.
‘Roy’ isn’t massy for sure but it isn’t classy either; it isn’t even experimental. Had it been any one of them, we would still know which level of terrible this is. Sadly for us, we are left confused. It’s a hollow feeling for cine-goers; you know this is terrible but can’t really compare with any of those big bad films you often see. Director Vikramjit Singh films the movie in a slick and stylish way and though Hollywood-ish, he knows how to capture locales and nature well but that’s about it. He doesn’t seem to understand anything else about film-making as you fail to understand why anyone would want to direct a script which must have been written while sitting on the pot and expecting producers to back it because of a star. There isn’t any creativity in the plot and it could have involved some imagination to make it a little credible. There was another damp squib of a film a few years back- ‘Shabd’ about a writer and how his characters affect his own life. Even that was done so well compared to this. Technically, ‘Roy’ does succeed in cinematography and background score. Even the music is quite pleasant. ‘Tu Hain Ki Nahi’ is my pick. Dialogues are unintentionally hilarious. Very slow and painstakingly boring; editing was badly needed but even that wouldn’t save this disaster of a film.
Ranbir Kapoor is said to be in a dynamic role here. The only dynamism was probably that he did the extended cameo for free. In an author-backed role for no reason, he broods throughout the time he is on screen which gives us an impression that he must have been least interested to do the role. Post a debacle ‘like ‘Besharam’, he returns after more than a year and his fans get to see him in another one. An actor of his caliber should choose movies and roles more carefully. Moreover, he isn’t yet a very big star to do favours for others and in the process, tarnish his own image. Arjun Rampal sleepwalks and it seems like he thought he did not even need to try acting; as if he was 
expecting Ranbir to bail him out of his plummeting acting career just like he depended entirely on SRK a few years back. It’s a shame to watch him take things for granted and you might again ask yourself why you entered the hall to watch an Arjun Rampal solo-starrer. Jacqueline Fernandez signed this one before ‘Kick’. Well… does it matter? I still wonder how she bags roles in movies. Neither can she emote well nor can she deliver lines properly. Don’t be nasty, Abhirup! Ditto for Katrina Kaif or say… Sunny Leone. Anupam Kher leaves a mark in a small role. Barun Chanda and Shernaz Patel are effective. Rajit Kapur (the first hindi Byomkesh Bakshi!) is okay.
Watch it or not: Are you still asking? Well… pray that you don’t watch it in your worst nightmares too!
At the Box Office: It will start quite well as Ranbir Kapoor fans will be seeing him on screen after a hiatus; the bad reviews and negative word-of-mouth will lead to drop in business. Deserves to be a disaster… but flop!
My Verdict
0.5
Massy, classy, experimental… ‘Roy’ is none of them; it is a painstakingly slow, boring and terrible movie… nay… not a movie but a morbid lullaby to give you nightmares.
